


a tenderness you can't let go

by ninwrites



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Communication, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Future Fic, Halloween, Happy Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Near Future, Post-War, Relationship Discussions, Romantic Fluff, Self-Indulgent, Slice of Life, Trick or Treating, True Love, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, alec is new to mundane culture, basically soulmates, ish, it's adorable, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 09:37:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12578844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninwrites/pseuds/ninwrites
Summary: Magnus teaches Alec about trick-or-treating, and Alec teaches Magnus a little something about love.





	a tenderness you can't let go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AlecWinchester](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlecWinchester/gifts).



> i literally wrote this in a few hours, because I had a fic part-done and then lost it all, and I wanted to write something. This is - that something.
> 
> dedicated to [Sam](https://twitter.com/alecwinchesterr), my awesome writing buddy and one of the best people I know. 
> 
>  
> 
> title from sad songs by the maine

Alec makes it home surprisingly early on the 31st of October.

He knows about Halloween, objectively, but not for the mundane traditions or the lore behind it all; it is one of the busiest nights for Shadowhunters, the increased presence of mundanes, and children especially, having much the same effect on demons as a siren has on human ears. It calls to even the deepest cravings, and tends to be the one night that most, if not all demons come out to play.

Except, things aren't quite the same this year.

Alec has carefully scheduled patrols for the more popular areas of the city, with a back-up team for extra resources at the ready should any new hotspots appear, and he has confirmation from a few wolves of Luke's pack that he'll get notice if they pick up a trail that hasn't been contained; even the more lenient vampires, those more loyal to Raphael, have agreed to do hourly scans around the less patrol-heavy blocks.

It also helps, of course, that Magnus has set up tiny triggers at key points of the underground ley lines, to send off small alerts to the nearest Shadowhunters and, in the case of lesser demons, barbs made of adamas enchanted to meet their aim every time.

It had all been Magnus' idea. Alec had distractedly mentioned his frustration in trying to prepare for the night, as it was the first time the Clave had actually given him permission to fund extra preparations - it's a trial run, and a test wrapped with an exaggeratedly mistrusting bow that's carefully hiding a trip-mine.

One wrong move and they'll open an investigation into how he runs the Institute - again - because almost an entire year of running the Institute isn't, apparently, enough time to prove his worth.

Magnus had pushed his hair off his forehead, pressed a kiss to his temple and promised Alec that he'd take care of it, as well he could.

Alec appreciates the help from everyone, more than he could possibly explain, and it's most of the reason behind his early return. He's not entirely off-duty, there are a few things he has to take care of that he's taken home with him, and he's on the list for back-up should the need arise.

Other than that, though, he has no reason to be at the Institute, and he's not about to stay somewhere he doesn't like if an alternate, and much more appealing option has been provided.

His key slides into the lock, despite the faux skeleton claw over it, and he has to duck his head beneath the cobwebs strung over the doorframe. Magnus has gone all-out with the Halloween decorations, which would make sense if there was a party - but Magnus isn't due to throw one of those until Friday, which means most of this is just because he wants to.

Alec is utterly charmed, even as he side-eyes the slick translucent goo dripping down the doorframe, the pumpkin-faces on the wall flickering with embedded candle lights, which shouldn't make as much sense as it does.

Living with a warlock has taught Alec to not be surprised by much.

"Magnus?" He shuts the door behind him, staring momentarily at the screaming mask on the other side. "Are you here?"

"Yes! Just a moment, darling."

Alec smiles to himself, shucking off his gear and boots, leaving them in their respective places near the entrance, a surprisingly untouched area of the hall. He turns back just as he hears Magnus approaching, heavy footfalls catching his attention - though that isn't the only thing.

Alec has seen Magnus in all kinds of outfits in the eleven or so months since they got together, and little surprises him anymore - but the torn jeans, leather jacket and ripped hat aren't part of his usual day-to-day.

The chunky black boots Alec has seen before, the leather jacket too, and his makeup - whilst sharp and a little, dare he say it messy - fits within the style that Magnus has cultivated over the years, it's not his usual look.

There's also the matter of the brittle and blackened broomstick Magnus is carrying when he rounds the corner.

"You're home early, Alexander, what a charming surprise."

Alec frowns, caught between confusion and the warm delight that always brews at sight of Magnus. "Not as much of a surprise as you. Trying out a new look?"

Magnus shakes his head, crossing the short distance on quick steps. "On another day, perhaps. Alas, it's Halloween, my angel, and that means costumes and trick-or-treaters - can't exactly greet them looking like my usual wonderful self. Besides, it's a nice chance to dress up a little differently."

"Trick or ... treaters?" Alec asks, watching curiously as Magnus leans the broomstick against the wall.

In the living room, a small cauldron bubbles away, steam rising in fuschia pink hues - Alec's seen the making of a lot of potions, idle fascination leading him to watch and ponder, assured by Magnus that his questions weren't annoying - but none of the potions were ever that bright.

"A mundane Halloween tradition, where children, and some older, go door-to-door asking for a  _trick_ or a  _treat_ ; treats, being candy." Magnus adjusts the front of his jacket, giving Alec a glimpse at the red plaid flannel shirt beneath.

It's not something Magnus would typically wear, but then, Magnus can pull off anything, and this shirt is certainly no exception.

"Do you do this every year?" Alec asks. "Decorate your loft for trick-or-treaters?"

He's trying not to dwell on the idea of Magnus handing out candy to young kids in fun costumes, the joy that would light up Magnus' face, laughter filling the air. It's been a short while since they last saw Madzie, and whilst Alec would like to blame his wayward thoughts on missing his pseudo-niece, the truth of it lies more in hopes he'd never allowed himself to dream of.

"Every year that I'm home. There have been a few times where I've been called away, for this or that, but so long as I'm here on Halloween, there's a stock of candy waiting to be handed out." Magnus rolls his shoulders with a little shimmy. "And a new costume to experiment with."

Alec swallows, mouth dry. Magnus catches the action, unglamoured eyes flashing with mirth. "I get the feeling you're a fan of this one?" He asks, teasing.

"I'm not quite sure what it is," Alec admits, reaching out to tug gently at the ripped hat. "But I certainly don't hate it."

"I'm a 90's grunge witch-" Magnus admits with a quirked brow. "I know that witches are supposed to be female but I refuse to subject myself to gender roles. Besides, it's a hot look, and I've been missing these jeans."

Alec's thumb strokes against the bottom of Magnus' jaw. "Were the 90's a fun time?" Alec ponders.

Magnus inclines his head, one hand reaching out to slip around Alec's waist, pulling him closer until their chests are just touching. "Fun enough. Every era has it's fault, but I enjoyed myself - the fashion was outrageously delightful."

Alec hums, catching his thumb on the tight gold hoops lining Magnus' left ear. "I sort of get that feeling." He rests his hand on Magnus' shoulder, thumb still stroking the curve of Magnus' ear. "Can I hand out candy to trick-or-treaters, too?"

Magnus' smile is blinding. "Absolutely."

Alec presses his foot against Magnus' boot, knees bumping together. "I don't have a costume, though." He doesn't think it's fair to participate in such a tradition if he's not going to do it properly.

"Nonsense." Magnus tugs on the loops of Alec's jeans, eyes alight with mischief. "You're practically dressed in costume now. Big, tough demon hunter - the kids will be delighted."

Alec shifts his weight, fingers brushing against the nape of Magnus' neck. "Are you sure? I don't want to ... I don't want to frighten any of them."

"Alexander," Magnus cups Alec's cheek, thumb brushing softly beneath his eye. "Kids are tougher than they often get credit for. They'll probably have a lot of questions, but I don't think there will be any trouble."

"Okay," Alec allows himself a smile, anticipation curling inside of him. "I trust you."

Magnus grins, leaning forward to peck Alec's lips. It only takes a kiss from Magnus to solidify for Alec the sensation of being home.

"I love you, too." Magnus replies, pressing another kiss to Alec's cheek. When he pulls back, it's with a heart-clenching grin and the kind of giddy excitement that often seems to make an appearance when Alec is around.

There's a dangerous glint in Magnus' eyes. "This is going to be so much fun."

 

* * *

 

Within an hour, at least thirty kids have knocked on the loft's door, and happily left with bags full of more candy than their tiny bodies can probably handle and smiles that stretch from ear to ear.

There's a phantom ache twisting around Magnus' ribs, lace tightening around bone, and he's finding it hard to breathe, a flat stone resting atop his lungs, slowly squeezing the air out.

He heads to the kitchen to refill another bowl - the trip more for something to do with his hands, than anything else. He could, of course, fill it magically and save himself the trouble, but there's something calming about tearing open the giant mixed bag, shuffling the sweets around in the bowl so that each trick-or-treater gets an equal handful.

He's never done Halloween with someone else.

Halloween parties, of course, there's always been hundreds of people at those, and he's spent the day before being aware of the tradition with people whose names and faces have long since disappeared from his memory - but he's certainly never handed out candy with ... help, before.

Alec is astoundingly wonderful with children. Magnus knew this, of course, he's seen how Alec interacts with Madzie, the smile that never fades from his face, the joy he brings out in the typically quiet young warlock, something that nobody else has the same capacity for.

It should figure, by all respectful rules of the universe, that Magnus shouldn't be any more affected by seeing Alec interact and laugh with young kids than he is when Madzie comes around.

Yet ... there is a difference, and Magnus can feel it as keenly as a rubber band tightening around his core.

It should be too early, for thoughts like this, thoughts about kids of their own, but Magnus' brain is a traitor, and it hardly ever does what it wants him to. The rattle of the candy as it tumbles into the bowl reminds Magnus of the first girl who had knocked on their door, the hesitant delight that had lit up Alec's face as soon as he opened it.

Her name had been Sam, and her grin had been slight, at first, because she'd recently lost her front tooth and felt a bit strange about it. Alec had bent down to reach her level, grinned back in that soft way and told her that her smile was beautiful. He then asked her if she was a captain, because of her eyepatch and wooden sword, and Sam had replied that she was a pirate queen with an entire fleet of ships.

The candy was, apparently, for her crew, something she announced proudly, straightening with all of the confidence of a pirate queen. Alec had stood, then, only to bow, his body almost bending in half to offer her respectful courtesy. Sam had giggled, and then thanked him through her laughter when he handed her some extra candy, so that she wouldn't have to sacrifice it all to her crew.

It had been sweeter than Magnus' heart could handle, but there had been another kid after Sam, and then another, and the ache inside had been pushed back in favour of laughter, and the tripping butterflies that had spilled inside of his gut when Alec had explained with shining eyes, how fun it all was.

It's all crashing on him now, a sugar high turned sour.

It's not exactly a new thought, the idea of being with Alec so long as time allows, and there's always been a tortured part of him that yearns for children of his own - not to demean his Downworlder children, in any way, it's just ... not the same.

He wants to be a father, but Alec - Alec already has all the right pieces. Alec is a father, without a kid.

While that's probably a good thing, because he's a busy man with a high-paced job and important responsibilities, and he's only in his twenties - Alec has a natural charm around children, and Magnus just  _knows,_ like an extra sense, that Alec would be a wonderful father.

And that hurts.

He doesn't doubt that Alec is in love with him, doesn't doubt that Alec is in this for the long-run, same as he is, but there's a big difference between dating and  _oh now we're married with three children._

It's a heartwarming thought, Magnus ponders as he discards the empty candy bag into the bin. Being married to Alec. Adopting children. Would they be Bane-Lightwood's, or Lightwood-Bane's? Would Alec want to hyphenate? Could Magnus be comfortable having a last name attached to generations of Shadowhunters?

There are too many questions, bouncing around like ping pong balls inside of Magnus' head, and it's too much. He doesn't have half of the answers he needs, and the doubt that curdles inside of him quickly taints the edges of any hope he might try to hold onto, burnt thread at the end of a snapped rope.

It's too soon, he's getting ahead of himself, because that's what he does, and it's  _never_  worked out for him.

For all the talk of good and evil, Magnus is his own worst enemy.

There's a slight crack, then, a tiny plastic snap - when Magnus looks down, it's to see a thin fissure in the candy bowl. It's fixed without much bother, but there is still the matter of the crack in Magnus' composure, something harder for him to fix, something that cuts a little deeper.

Magnus heads back to the entrance, where Alec still stands, positioned at the ready just in case another trick-or-treater came by, trying to even out his breathing so there's nothing for Alec to find suspicious.

"There was this little boy, he couldn't have been older than four - his name was Charlie and he had a bow-" Alec starts rambling as soon as he sees Magnus, hands fluttering in excitement before him. "He told me he was Robin Hood, and his mother just smiled proudly, but  _Magnus-_ " Alec's cheeks are pink with unbridled excitement. "When I told Charlie that I like archery, he asked if he could see my bow and I showed it to him - I have never seen anyone look so happy at the sight of my bow before."

Alec's hands are shaking, just slightly, but he's grinning wider than Magnus thinks he's ever seen and Magnus knows he's never been in love with anyone the way he is with Alec.

"I think you made a new friend, Alexander." Magnus teases, placing the bowl on the entryway table. "I have to admit, you're wonderful with the kids. There have been more this year than any other I've participated in, and part of me wonders if that's because of your charismatic presence."

Alec shuffles his feet, hand coming up to scrub at the back of his neck. He glances at the door, then his feet, and back to Magnus. His cheeks are bright, his bottom lip red from repetitive biting and there's a flush at the edge of his cheeks that spreads out to the tips of his ears.

"Alexander?" Magnus steps closer, one hand reaching out to grasp Alec's cheek. "Is something wrong?"

Alec swallows, almost nervously, before forcing his gaze to lock onto Magnus'. "Have you ever considered having kids?" Alec asks, quietly. "I know that, you take Downworlders under your wing, and I respect that so much, you've no idea, but - have you ever thought of adopting kids? Of your own?"

There's a lump in Magnus' throat, thick and sticky like molasses, but he forces himself to swallow past it, ignores the burning that scorches the surface of his skin like harmless warlockfire. "I have." He admits. "It's never been an idea I've let myself entertain for long, but it has flitted past."

Alec leans into the hand on his cheek, lips pursed thoughtfully. "I never did. Never allowed myself to. I always knew that, logistically, I'd need to have kids one day, because it was expected of me ... but I knew that it wouldn't be with someone I loved and ... it hurt too much. So I never did. I focused on others things, instead, training to be the best and trying harder at things I failed."

It hurts, a deeper stretch beneath the ache within his ribs, bittersweet and torturous - but Alec is smiling, and it doesn't line up with anything he was just talking about, which only adds confusion to the already muddled emotions whirling around inside of Magnus.

"I know it's far too early-" Alec laughs, thin and nervous, spun glass twisted into hopeful words. "And we haven't discussed anything, we haven't even talked about marriage-"

Alec's eyes widen forcefully, cheeks heating even hotter beneath Magnus' palm. Magnus simply reaches for Alec's hand, and squeezes, hoping his encouragement is expressed well enough, because words aren't a possibility with the way they're sticking against the roof of his mouth.

"I'd love to have kids, one day." Alec admits quietly. "With you."

His free hand wraps around Magnus' wrist, thumb stroking over the leather bracelet that Alec had gotten him a few months prior - off it hangs a small silver pendant with the  _love_  rune engraved on one side,  _promise_  on the other.

It's that, the bracelet and the meaning behind it, that chips off the edge of some of Magnus' concern. This is Alec.

Yes, Alec is, to all of Magnus' belief, the love of his immortal life, and Magnus knows that there will not be anybody else after Alec who compares in any way, but they're not a perfect couple, and the way they've been able to sort through things in the past is just by talking it out.

Alec isn't going to judge him for what he says, or feels, or any uncertainty he might have. He has no reason to worry, because Alec always knows what he needs to hear, even if it comes to him without thought.

"That sounds like a beautiful dream," Magnus rests his forehead against Alec's, because if he doesn't close even the slightest distance that exists between them, he'll go crazy. "One I find myself looking forward to, when the time is right."

"You think such a day will come?" Alec asks, tremoring curiosity curling the corners of his mouth down. "A day where we have kids?"

"If it's something we both want, angel, I don't think that there's anything that could stop us." Magnus' heart flutters inside his chest. He's never found anyone who actually wants to spend the rest of their time with him, to have kids with him - but Alec does.

Because Alec is unlike anyone Magnus has ever known, and he could spend the rest of his days trying to figure out how he managed to get so lucky, or he could press his lips to Alec's and promise him forever.

"I want to marry you, too." Magnus ushers the words against Alec's cheek, peppering kisses along his jaw. "Perhaps not tonight, as Halloween is already a reserved celebration. But one day."

"One day." Alec whispers, and it sounds like a promise and a wish all wrapped up in one.

Time is fickle, something that Magnus has a love-hate relationship with, but he'd sacrifice all the comforts in the world to spend eternity with Alec.

 _One day_.

Magnus can wait for one day.

**Author's Note:**

> magnus' costume is literally stolen from my parabatai ... but i have a tattoo with her so I think it's even?
> 
> ALL MY LOVE and sincerest apologies to [Yara](https://twitter.com/meowbanes), whom I promised an entirely different Halloween fic ... and ended up corrupting the file of. Oops. Hope this makes up for it x
> 
> -
> 
> LINKS: 
> 
> Twitter: [ninwrites](https://mobile.twitter.com/ninwrites) for fic stuff/updates/snippets + [malteser_24](https://mobile.twitter.com/malteser_24) for general fandom mess
> 
> Tumblr: [killjoyrow](http://killjoyrow.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thank you for reading - I sincerely hope you've enjoyed it.
> 
> \- Nin ❤


End file.
